I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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