I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize