what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
