we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she told me i tasted like america
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
