I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are my feet made of real feet?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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