well you can't waste a boner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
