Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
