"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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