My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
