I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize