I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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