you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
