Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
