Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize