we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
