well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
