Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize