and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
