Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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