so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
