If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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