I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
