i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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