I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
