I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
