we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
