shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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