oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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