I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
