I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize