hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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