I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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