Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
