Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
