there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize