I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
