i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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