Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
