yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My feet surprised me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
