Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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