When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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