Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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