I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Randomize