I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
