you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
