i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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