i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize