she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
