My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
