Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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