goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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