it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
