I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
