i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
