Do you still have your period?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
