i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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