I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize