k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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