im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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