haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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