The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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