I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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