Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
