Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
