New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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