just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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