I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
