i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
