This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
