Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish there were birth control emojis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
