Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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