I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
