You're my little dorito
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
