what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
