38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
